Lost Mountain

What is there, when there is nothing?
What exists when everything becomes mist, blown away by every wind?
When your soul is ever-falling, does it beg for the ground to end its descent?
What is better, the endless abyss or a final conclusion?

What happens when you lose your way?
When the path you have travelled seems far behind you, where will you go?
Will you make a new path, or try to find your way back?
Is a soul with no compass forever lost?
If that compass is lost, what then will guide you?

My soul is trapped in an endless abyss.
The mind wanders, and emotions are ever-fleeting.
Love is neither absent nor present.
My spirit flies with the wind of the mountain-
Cold, yet seeking to guide the shivering to the warmth of the indoors.

The mountain is as beautiful as it is terrible.
Its wrath knows no limit.
The coldness of its wind chills the greatest beasts;
The fierceness of its snow makes all creatures flee.

Yet with its cold power, it holds a great promise.
When the snow lifts, new life abounds.
The melting of ice brings water a-plenty,
And life starts anew in the shadow of its peak.

The Mountain's Song

The wind of the mountain whispers its stories
Stories of peoples and creatures long gone
What does it tell you, O those who are listening?
What is the mountain's sweet wintery song?

The Torture of The Mind

This is not really poetry, but I thought it deserved to be here rather than at my regular blog.

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My mind is a chamber - a chamber of death and torture. Sometimes it seems that the torture gets too much for me to endure. The pain is too much, make ist stop! I feel the blood run down, and I welcome death. But death never comes! My soul is broken; I can no longer go on. Let me end it now! Nobody sees my pain, and no-one will ever see it. But I'm kept alive by an invisible force. It is some unseen captor that gains joy from my suffering. It will never let me taste the sweet bread of death. I feel the soft arms of death, ready to embrace me. But each time I start to feel his hands enveloping me, my captor brings me back to the cruel world of life.

I have given up trying to survive. There is nothing of me left to revive. I try to end it all, but every time, my torturer keeps the blood flowing through my veins. I cut them, but the blood keeps flowing. It flows down my arm, but it never stops. I wish the end would come! But I know my tormentor would not allow it. Reletlessly he sends the gas that would burn my lungs. Unedingly he turns my devices against me.

This is my last attempt. I will perish or forever be tormented by my unseen foe. I plunge the sharpened knife into my arm, sending rivulets of blood down to the floor, staining it with the red life-giving fluid. My other arm feels the blade pierce my skin, and the redness on the floor continues to grow. Into my chest I then plunge the knife, and with each strained breath, I hope it will be the last. Falling to the floor, I feel the life flow freely out of me. The sticky solution on the floor now covers my body, and I feel death standing, ready to embrace me for eternity. My light fades and death takes me in its arms. My soul is finally at peace.

Darkness and Light

The light darkens, my soul knows no fear
Hope seems gone, but I worry not.
Why would I worry?
Why should I worry?

I see in the darkness as well as the light
My vision, unhindered by things around me.
I see it all.
I see it all.

But not in the light, do I find my joy
Through darkness, I see my love.
Pain is my companion,
Hurt, my steady counsel.

The pain in my soul is all I have left
I hold onto it with all that I am
I need the broken heart,
I need the broken soul.

But where there is dark, there also is light
I know it exists, but do not wish to see it
I fear the light
I fear the light.

I see it now, and want to run away
Further into darkness, further into dispair
Dispair is my shelter
Pain, my protector

But the light shines so brightly, I cringe
My soul is not split, my heart starts to mend
"The light is my enemy,
The light is my enemy!"

But now the light is encompassing my being
It starts hurting less, and the darkest part of me wails
"Out, damn light,
Back, damn light!"

But the damning that is going on in my soul
Is not from the light, but from the darkness I know.
But how will I cope,
How will I live?

The pain has been my companion, my guide.
To lose it would be like losing myself
But how can I resist?
How can I resist?

The light grows ever stronger still
The demon inside me wails with pain!
"NO, YOU CANNOT TAKE THIS ONE!
"NO, YOU CANNOT TAKE HIM!"

But it is in vain, for soon my demon is gone
The light pierces through my broken soul
I am whole.
I am whole.

The pain which I felt is no longer with me
My soul and my spirit is now mended whole.
I am myself
I am myself

The feeling of love courses through my body
Like never before have I felt this secure
I am loved
Loved forevermore.

I look up to the one who made me whole
And he's dying a horrible death with my pain
Pain that I felt
Pain that I gave him

No, this can't be happening, this can't be true
I close my eyes and open, and he's still there
Don't let them kill him!
Don't let him die!

I can't just stand there, but find I cannot move
My feet firmly planted, I yell and ask him,
"Why do you do this,
Why would you die?"

The words from his mouth I will never forget:
"So that you may live."
How can that happen
How can I live?

But he took my darkness, my evil and pain
And made it his own so that I would have his light.
"You gave me your life!
I want to give mine!"

I hear a small voice, the source is unseen
The voice is so peaceful, yet powerful, and kind.
"You now can be mine,
And accept this gift.

"The gift that covers all of your darkness, and gives you my light,
The gift that you may see me, and him, in time.
A gift so amazing,
And so divine."

I want this gift now, I think to myself.
I give him my life, and he takes it in his hand
"Thank you for the gift.
Thank you for you," I say.

Years go by, and my light is stil shining
The darkness I once held, no longer has me
I am at the end
I am at the beginning.

My spirit rises and sheds this dark form
And now I am light, and I am with him.
My life at an end,
Yet not even started.

I see the city, and gaze at it's wonder
The light that's within it will shine forever
The darkness is gone now
No longer existing.


The light is all there is now.

And there is peace.

Revitalize

The lights go up, and my heart races
There on the stage of life I stand
Alone but for the band all around
I hold my horn like a jewel in my hand

The count-off starts; I take my place
Blasting the notes out like a gun
Lazers flash all around the stage
Now I remember why this is so fun

My blood is pumping inside my veins
Adrenaline surges, the band plays on
I move to the front and play that chart
The beat I hear and lean upon

The shout chourus blares, my lips are burning
I play the upper part and take it up
The crowd is screaming, and so am I
I hold the last note and never give up

The song is over, but I am not done
I will forever go on and live my life
The music will power me and drive me on
It will be there through all of my strife

That night, my soul returns
My life has begun and all is well
The music continues its soothing refrain
And though I had fallen, who can tell?

Hand In Hand

Where am I going
I don’t even know
The road it seems so long now
I press on, I go

Forever I’m walking
Forever I wander
And sometimes I think,
Sometimes I wonder

What is it all for now
Why do I press on
What is the purpose
Of this road I am on

I think about dark paths
About what could be
Then I see you standing
Hand stretched out to me

I smile and take it
Into my embrace
At that moment I know
I will win this race

The road still seems long
But now that you’re here
I have everything I need
To persevere

And even though our road
Stretches ‘cross this land
I will go there with you
Waking hand in hand

Light

Light is bright
What is this place
I haven't been here before

Hope is what I feel
A better day is coming
My soul is restored

The light grows
Blinding my eyes
I don't care

Light does not matter
The One with me does
He speaks to me

Words of comfort and peace
I know I am safe
He is here

Spirit separates from flesh,
Soul transcends body
I feel it drift away

I am with Him now
Nothing holding me down
I walk with Him

I worship Him

Anatomy of a Break-up

The door closes as my heart sinks
I sever all my emotional links

I never thought I'd pray this prayer
That if I returned, she would not be there

The car starts up, I drive away
My heart is telling me I should stay

But I can not live out this life
I know there only will be strife

So as I drive around the bend
I know for sure that this must end

But I come back, I don't know why
She still loves me, I see her cry

I let my feelings take hold of me
I have no wisdom, and can not see

That this can never be again
And I go home and think, and then

I realize I can't return
A feeling in my heart, a burn

I tell her this, she asks me 'why?'
Then I explain and make her cry

My heart is breaking, oh what pain!
My chest constricts, my heart is slain

And when, at last, I'm off the phone,
I feel so utterly alone

But I am not, no, this I know
For in God's presence, love will grow

So I will hope that there's a day
When one I love wills the pain away

And I will always make her see
That she is beautiful to me.

To see her soul, I would be blessed
My heart would beat within my chest

But I will wait for the day to come
For I know where my hope comes from

Rest

I lay down to rest
But rest eludes me
For I may never know
If I made a difference

If that one time
I could have helped
Should have helped
Would have helped

Will forever follow me
Till the day I die
And even after.

But what of those times
I was there?
I soothed a soul?
Gave a hug?

Will they ever make up
For those times I passed by?
I did nothing?
I ignored someone?

Whatever the case,
I cannot stop caring,
I will always be there
When one needs me.

I may not be able
To take away the worries
To comfort all the hurting
To call at moment's notice

But with my strength,
Poor as it is,
I will pray for those in need
I will care for those who need

A conversation,
A meal and company
A simple hug
An encouraging word

I will try.

I rest.

Many People Wander 'Round

Many people wander 'round
Not knowing who they are
They spend their time just being lost
Wishing to be found

But sometimes when they find themselves
They do not stop to think
That they know exactly who it was
Who brought them from the brink

Some look up unto the stars
To find some wisdom there
Not knowing that he who made those stars
Looks after them in care

But when they realize their need
And find it with elation
They will forever thankful be
For their complete salvation.

Black Night

Black night envelops
Moon is gone, no more light now
I am not afraid

Men of Valor

Where are the men of valor?
Where do the honorable lie?
Do none of them exist now?
Did they all simply die?

If Honor is a virtue,
Then why is it so rare?
Why does it seem that no-one
Can really seem to care?

If we are full of kindness
As we may claim to be?
Why do the innocent all die
While many guilty flee?

What can this thing called mercy
Ever hope to do,
If people kill without a thought
And rape and pillage too?

But if we were to forgive
The people, not the crime
Would they not see love we give them
Even if it takes time?

In Love With Thee

The evening wanes,
The sun will set,
The moon will rise,
And spread its net

O'er all the earh
And all the sea.
Then I will say
Good-night to thee.

For things must end
That is the way.
And though I wish
That you could stay,

I know that fate
Will have its plan.
And I am but
A simple man.

But when you go
Remember me,
Because I am
In love with thee.

Death

There is a nation of undecision
Choices race in front of me
Those that claim to know me
Are long gone in the vortex of confusion
That threatens to swipe me from existance

The colors blend together.
Nothing but a blur now
What will become of the rest
When i am extinguished
By the swirling chasm of indecision

How can I do this?
How can I not?
Does it matter if life or death should grasp me
In its torturous clutches?
Will it make any difference to die by the sword,
Or to die slowly in the unkind embrace of a life,
Spent from the fires of adversity
That forever burn my soul?

My decision made, I jump over the edge
Never am I sure of what my choice was.
Floating in and out of existance,
I question what I see.

A fall of infinite length, yet it is no more.
Consciousness envelops my being as I wake
My mind is still falling
Ever further into the abyss of oblivion

My body follows.

Before

The wounds force me to end it;
The fragile tug of life holds me.
Death stands there with open arms
Embracing me, welcoming me.

The fellowship of the undead
Call my name and beckon me.
I hear their voices, soft and soothing.
What do they expect of me?

I pull the rope, it's very tight
The pain in my neck is starting
The knife hangs low, the blood is fresh
My soul is soon to be departing

The marks remain from when I
Tried before
I sometimes wish I'd
Died before

The marks remain from when I
Tried before
I sometimes wish I'd
Died before

The voices never stop speaking
I heard them calling before
And now they keep on screaming
I can't handle it any more

The rope is breaking,
I fall to the ground
The voices are laughing
A horrible sound!

But now I will end it
The end of my life
The silence of death
Comes with my knife

The blood is freely flowing now
I no longer feel the fear.
Sounds die away to nothing now
I am at peace, right here.

The marks remain from when I
Tried before
I sometimes wish I'd
Died before

The marks remain from when I
Tried before
I sometimes wish I'd
Died before

Lock Your Doors

The blood runs down her chest
The man puts the knife away
She tries to scream but no sound comes

Light fades as her soul dives deeper
The dark oblivion of death claims her spirit
He watches her last breath escape

He thinks to himself
'The last moments are always the best
When the realization of the end slices through them
Just like the knife through their throats'

Beware of the night
Beware of the darkness
For it houses an evil stronger
Than all the demons in hell

His methods are elusive
He strikes with no warning
And his knife is always sharp

Lock your doors.

Poem of a Killer

The night wanes on and someone stands
Stands on the corner, blood on his hands
The cover of darkness is ever-opressive
It hides yet another man, wishing to live

The hands of the first man are covered in red
The hands of the other are lifeless and dead
A knife is still missing, the blade is still sharp
It's not going anywhere, lodged through his heart

Yet he was not first, nor will be the last
The Killer of Fathers has a long, bloody past
Know that there will always be much more to come
So pray for your loved ones, yes, for every one.

Sleepless Night

The clouds hover overhead
The thunder claps and roars
I lay here in my bed, awake
While Mother lightly snores

I do not know the meaning of
This little life I lead
It seems so insignificant
Just like a tiny seed

The nightmares stay and plague my mind
Their images still linger
It's strange how one can stop you straight
Without lifting a finger

And as I lay me down to sleep
I pray to God my soul to keep
But if I die before I wake
There will be no more soul to take

The Broken-Hearted

When the worries of this life threaten to overwhelm me
Your face fills my mind
It calms my weary soul

Your eyes pierce into my very soul
Seeing the deepest part of me
Your gaze saves me from despair

The memory of your scent fills my nostrils
The scent that is undeniably you
The scent that I can hardly live without

In empty arms I can still feel you
Embracing you, loving you
Is what I miss the most

I remember the hidden looks
I remember the times I wanted to say
Those three words

So many times
So many times

Those three words that can change a life,
Three words that scream to be said,
"I love you."

Now that I can truly say those words
You are so far away from me
These roads seem to go on forever

I'm going so far away
The distance stretches on
But my heart is there with you

The phone calls are too short
The messages are not enough
Your voice calls over the distance

How much I desire to be there
Holding you close
Telling you what you mean to me

So far away
So far away

If I could love you
My whole life through
My life would always be complete

To give myself to you
To be yours
To make you feel complete and loved

That would be my dream
That would be my dream

Poem To My Love

Forgotten, I struggle to go on alone.
Their words are piercing, they wear me down.
The voices continue and never relent.
My spirit is broken, my life is now spent.

The only thing keeping me going is you
The memory of your smile is getting me through
I still feel your arms as I'm in your embrace
I still see your eyes as I look at your face

I will not be haunted by what could not be,
For you will I live, and my love is for thee
Your life is so precious, your soul is so pure
It brought me right in, hooked me right like a lure.

You brought me back from the cold pull of dispair
I can't even remember how I got there
My heart fell in love with you right from the start
And from that point on you were first in my heart

At first it was almost a forbidden love
You were so taken, recipient of
Another one's love, so I tried to be "friend"
That person on whom you could always depend

But it was so hard to hide my feelings then
A simple look here, a smile, and when
You were having a hard time with things going on
I tried to be the one you could lean upon

But then it got too much to lie and pretend
I could not keep telling you you were my friend
For you are so much more than I ever told
My feelings for you are so rich and so bold

I constantly wish I had told you before
I love you so much, and care for you more
Than anyone else that I have ever met
I would give my life to you if you'd ask me yet

And I want so much to be the one you adore
To love you and cherish you deep to the core
For years and years I would not hesitate to
Hold you in my arms and say that "I love you"

So now I will hope, for I have you right here
Inside of my heart, so I've nothing to fear
Although all these miles seem to go on forever
The bond that we share, it never will sever

I do not know where my life will take me
But I do know this, I'll forever love thee.
And even though we may be far apart
You are so very close, you're here in my heart

This chapter of my life that I'm going through
I sincerely wish could be spent with you
I dream that my life could be spent with the love
That I share with you, my perfect soft dove

The Day Has Come

The Day has come to end it all
The Time is here; I'm doomed to fall
The Hour is near, the knife goes deep
My body's now a bloody heap

Forever have I waited for
The knife to plunge into my core
I feel the metal going in
And think about what could have been

Colors fade and lights go low
The end is near, of this I know
The pain burns like a white-hot fire
The flames of which climb higher and higher

Inside I feel a different flame
Eternally burning the same
My breath betrays me, this I feel
The final breath, my fate will seal

The welcome pull of death comes near
Pain lessens now, I think I hear
Some little sound, but hear it grow
What plauges my ears, I do not know

But all now fades away with life
The end of worry, the end of strife
Sweet silence comes and takes my hand
And leads me to a far-off land.